Approaching Decluttering as a Practice (Not as a Personality Trait)
Part II
Read part 1 here.
I wasn’t naturally someone who lets go of things. I grew up obsessed with those undone or unsolved items. The voice in my head (usually my mom’s) always told me I needed to do this and that, to make someone proud of me or else…
I don’t remember the “or else”, but it was probably related to my becoming smaller, more invisible as a result.
So I leaned toward the opposite. I held onto clothes “just in case.”
Over the years, I saved items tied to memories. I’m still saving old entrance tickets to museums and such. Imagine that? I never thought it was triggered by something deeper, until I became aware of the patterns.
I still feel anxiety at the idea of not having enough. Though now, after years of therapy and self-work, I see myself from a different angle. From the outside of my old stuck self.
It took me a long time to understand that this wasn’t just about stuff. It was all related to feeling safe. We might need to hold on tightly to what we have — it might come in handy at some point. I heard variations of this not only from the people around me, but also as a strange voice inside my head, seemingly not mine. Inherited patterns? Sure… it turns out we carry with us so many stories from the previous generations that endured various situations like scarcity, war, and all the traumas around those and more.
Some of those impulses about “hoarding” (can we call it by name? is it this really about hoarding?) were shaped during my childhood, like scarcity and uncertainty. I grew up during communism, so this was inherently in my upbringing and the subconscious messages I would get from the adults in my life.
I realised that decluttering became a deeply ingrained practice. It didn’t feel like a task any longer. It was somehow painful to get to this realisation, because I felt sad for the little girl in me who grew up like this. Sure, this was not done on purpose to me specifically. A lot of people from my generation are still dealing with the same struggles. Raise your hand if you are one of them.
Over the years, after becoming a mother and learning a lot about myself in the process, I also became creative while approaching each of my ideas with curiosity and empathy. Empathy towards myself as a mother, the child in me and at the same time the person I was becoming in the process.
These days, I’ve learned to treat decluttering as a practice, and these are the steps that help me return to it every three months.
So every three months, I go through the following:
Clothes that no longer fit
Items we haven’t used
Things that no longer serve our current season of life as a family of five
And each time, I ask myself, and also my spouse and kids, if necessary:
Do we need this, or am I afraid to let it go?
Letting go didn’t come naturally at first, no wonder after everything I’ve shared with you above. However, I started to get a kind of lightness I didn’t expect. Both in our home and in my mind. The energy shifted, and it feels like a new beginning. I even gained more self-esteem and a feeling of control over the choices I make every day.
So over time, I came up with these practices that help me and my family return to decluttering without feeling any shame. They are small steps we take in a flow, and they work. I love this for us! They might inspire you, too. Drop me a message in the comments if so.
Thank you so much for reading! I appreciate you.
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This piece was originally published on Dancing Elephants Press.
Gabby, it is real progress to get rid of old stuff, you don't need. I am really bad at this. When my wife passed four years ago, it was a much bigger job, I have still not finished. I see her wearing that cardigan and hang it back on its hanger.