Family Curses: The Stories We Inherit and Transform

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We inherit our parents’ strengths and weaknesses. I read somewhere that if one is adopted, they somehow also adopt their new family's inherited traumas and stories. (So interesting!)

I was just thinking the other day that not all weaknesses are a curse, and not all strengths are a blessing. This is a truth I keep circling back to, both in the books I read and in the stories I hear and collect, my own and yours.

What makes a “curse” feel so distinct is the way it can shape the stories we tell about ourselves, quietly influencing the scaffolding on which we build our identities.

Curses carried through generations are the stuff of mythology and the realities of everyday life. I am always curious about psychology and the patterns that repeat in families, so I see how these inherited beliefs and wounds can echo through time. Sometimes, they are obvious, like a family secret or a repeated fear; other times, they are subtle, woven into the way we speak to ourselves or to our children.

I see this in the women in my family, and also in the behaviour of my husband’s family members. I am not a psychologist, but I am deeply passionate about this stuff. I might go into more detail in a separate post, but I need to explore this more deeply myself.

Would you be curious to go deeper into this topic with me? If yes, I will consider organizing a live on this topic. Let me know.

On the other hand, curses can be blessings, too. They give us obstacles to overcome or lessons to accept, and they also become part of our life stories, the base we build our beliefs and values on throughout our lives.

After all these years, my husband believes that his curse (I am not allowed to mention it yet) changed his life for the better. It’s essential to who he is. I’ve come to believe that the edges of a person—the cracks in the story we tell about ourselves—are where the light gets in. Our awareness of our flaws and our family’s unfinished business is often the starting point for the most meaningful conversations and the deepest self-discovery.

What else do we talk about late at night when we want to open up to each other? What else do we write about, again and again, in our journals and stories?

Curses make us suffer for that catharsis, but they also give us the raw material for empathy, creativity, and transformation.

Today, as I am trying to slowly get back to writing the final chapters in the Psychology of Motherhood Series, I invite you to look at your own “curses” with gentle curiosity.

• What stories have you inherited?

• Which ones are you ready to keep, and which are you ready to rewrite?

Our family myths are not fixed. I think that’s what helped me and motivated me to reflect and try to heal as many parts as I could. Our family myths are really living, breathing, and, ultimately, ours to transform.

Thanks for reading.

Check our podcasts if you would like to listen to more reflections.

💗 Thank you for reading! I appreciate your support.💗

P.S. If you're struggling, don't hesitate to reach out for professional help. Your mental health matters.